Divorce and Narcissism

It’s Far From Being Done

Even though my divorce was finalized April 6, 2017, his influence and nasty behaviors still influence me and my kids. 

As suspected, his “hypothetical” move to Florida is becoming more of a “possibility,” as he tells the kids. They are crushed. I clean up the mess. He is mad that they are upset. I clean up the mess. 

Found razor blades in my daughter’s room today. Her sixteenth birthday. I was setting up a surprise for when she comes home from school and I found them. Several. So the fear that she is cutting is there. I need to deal with this mess. Scary. 

My oldest who still lives with this douchebag father? She is so depressed that she is ending her senior of year of high school by missing more and more classes and just not caring what happens. Her future plans for staying there and taking online college courses has changed because if he moves, she has no where to live. Another mess he is making. I clean up the mess. 

He tells my kids he deserves to be happy. His lover’s kids are younger and she can’t move here. So, dickhead? Explain again how that is NOT you choosing her and her kids over your own? He had the nerve to tell my oldest when she said he needs to start being a parent that I need to do the same because I am the one who ran out and abondoned the family. 

I do want him gone. I want him to disappear. Because even when he is here, he is absent. Absent emotionally. If he leaves, at least the kids and I can begin to build some sort of normal routine without him. While it tears at my heart that they want him to be a good father yet see he is incapable, the fact that they see it now might help save them a lifetime of begging for attention and love from someone who simply cannot give it. He is damaged and broken. My mother is this way. And I wish I had learned about her what they are learning about their father. If I had known sooner, it would have saved me much heartache. I never want my kids to choose a spouse like their father. He told me when I was leaving that I hurt him deeply by exclaiming I never wanted our daughters to marry a man even remotely close to what he was like. He stated he was a good man. He is deluded. And I stand by my wishes. 

I clean up the messes. 

Divorce and Narcissism

My Mother Is Batshit Crazy

Mom: something is wrong with your dog, I do not know what his name is. 

Me, in my head: never fuckingmind I have lived here for over a year with the dogs). And for a year I have asked her to to not feed the dogs people food because one of my dogs has horrible allergies. I have watched her feed them donuts and cake and as they are taking it out of her hand, she tells me I am a liar to accuse her of feeding them because she never feeds them. She basically says I am not seeing what I am seeing. I’ve never met a person who lies so intensely, so completely,  that they have lost all concept of reality themselves. Well, except for my ex. 

Me: his ears hurt because of the yeast infection due to eating bad foods. 

Mom: and who feeds him bad foods? Not me. Feed him better. 

Me: mom, I spend more money than I have to buy specialty dog food that is grain free. You give him bread and sweets all the time, which creates yeast and his skin is a mess, his ears are wretched. This is why I plead with you to stop feeding him. 

Mom: no I do not fed him. Why do you lie?

Me: maybe not yet today, but his reactions build with time and he can’t get better as long as you feed him people food. I spent $300 to get hm well and it won’t last because you won’t listen. 

Mom: I hate to see anything or anyone suffer. You need to do something about him. It’s cruel of you to let him suffer.  

Me: I just told you I have tried but you won’t respect what’s happening and stop feeding him people food. I can’t spend $300 every month to medicate him when you give him things that nullify the meds. 

(She now abruptly changes the subject)

Mom: I woke up from a bad dream. (Insert my ex’s name here) came here. He was in the house. I called 911 and then I woke up. 

Me: aside from coming to pick up the kids, he will never come here mom. 

Mom: why? Are you getting back together with him?

Me: are you crazy? Seriously, like crazy?! How do you derive that from what I said? I would kill myself before I got back together with hm. 

Mom: well I dreamt it. And I can not tell you what to do but if you get back together with him, you have to leave here and you can never come back. 

Me: well you’re crazy if you think every dream manifests itself into reality. I’ve dreamt I can fly. You see me soaring around in the sky yet? I also dream I live in a house where love and respect flow freely. You feel that here? 
Damn. It’s not even 6 am and all this happens. This is why I drink. It’s not even 6:30 am and I’m thinking about when I can have my first drink.