Today I faced my issue at work with the owner who says inappropriate things to me. I was nervous and scared. But I did it. I told him how I felt. I gave examples of the times he has said things to me that are “off.” The most recent is found in my blog just before this one, but it is basically him making a comment about me and a breast reduction, in response to my news of not needing a day off for a second scheduled biopsy. His way of addressing this was cold and filled with gaslighting and deflection. He remembered that I had shared a joke made by a medical person about my breast size, as in I’m small so a breast reduction was nothing I needed to worry about. I don’t even remember the specific joke but it was told. And so his reply to his comment to me was that I “opened the door on this one. Don’t you remember?” He said this in a forceful, angered, suggestive tone. There were two other people invited to the meeting. He also admitted it was in poor taste but his main objective was to place the blame on me. One person in the meeting spoke up and disagreed. He told her she had a right to her opinion but dismissed her and said it to me again.
I vaguely recalled the joke and told him that while I did share that, that was not an open invitation for him to chime in. None of the other management team members that I shared the exact same news with made any sort of joke, not one. Only him. I told him that the way he apologized to me right after was inappropriate. He was loud and drew attention to the situation, causing other coworkers to see and hear and ask me later what that was all about.
I don’t feel any good came from meeting with him today. I was able to tell him how I felt and give him examples, but my experience with people like him show me it makes no difference. He made sure to focus on what he felt I did wrong and that he was embarrassed. He he he. He even began the meeting by stating he was embarrassed and that I was about to be embarrassed as well because I invited two others to the meeting, so he had no choice. But he was the one who said we needed the meeting and that it didn’t have to be with him alone, that I could invite someone else so I didn’t need to be alone with him. So I invited his aunt who is also part of HR, and I also invited the general manager who is a strong and respected female at the business. So he started the meeting he said we should have with the “You opened the door on this one.” If I wasn’t recovering from gaslighting and narcissistic abuse, I would have been so confused by his behavior and words. I was a little confused but it was more like “what in the actual fuck is happening and how in the actual fuck do you keep on spewing such atrocious garbage from the hole in your face and not die from choking on your words?” Yeah. That kind of confusion. I saw and heard him clearly. He is a disgusting human being.
I don’t regret telling him he was wrong. And I don’t regret facing my fears. But I was shown again that self-centered people who are fake and worry about looking good to the public are rarely good in private. I had witnesses there in the meeting and while they know what happened, if I should ever think of going anywhere else with this such as filing a complaint with the EEOC, I’m sure they wouldn’t back me up. Everyone is out for themselves. He ended the meeting by letting me know it will take HIM a long time to learn to trust ME AGAIN. And that he could see I didn’t trust him. But he wouldn’t fire me over it. He “wasn’t like that.” (I had shared that I was nervous I could lose my job over this.) He also let me know that his divorce was finalized this week and he was going through a lot so this was exceptionally difficult for him to have to deal with. Gee I’m sorry. How dare I ask him to be held accountable for his words and actions when he is having a rough time of things. It’s not like I’m waiting for a biopsy to tell me if I have cancer. Or that I haven’t been through a lot. Who hasn’t? So let’s all go make inappropriate jokes and use the “my life is hard” card to get out of jail free! Fucking idiot is what he is. An idiot in a hat.
While I want so badly to post this picture for many to see, because they’d figure out it was him, I can’t post it anywhere but here, anonymously. His other business, is based on building trust and openly and honestly communicating with respect to others, focusing on the workplace. Yep. You read that correctly. So here is my picture. Hats. He always wears these ridiculous hats. He uses #hats in all of his media posts. He wears purple hats and red hats. Ridiculous hats. So I made this picture. At least I can have a good laugh here when I see it.