All I know is this: I am dazed and confused. What I don’t know is this: is it the cold medicine I took to help me rest peacefully since mid morning today I started coming down with a cold, or is it because my husband woke me out of a dead sleep to tell me our daughters are mad at him? Mad because he had punished them both, suspended the punishment for the night so they could both attend the last home football game of the season at their school and then felt lied to and manipulated because they were not grateful enough? Did not return his text messages? That he has been treated poorly by them. Lied to? Well. Gee. Husband. Gee. Wonder where they learned this from? Or, ever think they are freaking teenagers who do these things on occasion?! But seriously, he needs to wake a feverish snot-filled me to tell me all this? I don’t know how I managed to remain calm. I really don’t.
What I do also know is that this is the perfect example of what some narcissistic behaviors look like. Narcissists think they are above everyone. As a parent, the narcissists models perfectly the saying “Do as I say, not as I do.” They take normal child issues, such as boundary pushing and hormonal rages as a personal attack. Last night I stood there, very groggy, watching my husband expect to have pity on him. I managed to quietly state that he really should stop taking it personally. I explained it happens to me every day. They’ll get over this quickly. It’s what kids do. But he still pouted and expected some sort of apology from me and from the girls. From me, I said I was sorry he felt that way, because I am an empathetic person. I really did feel bad for him. But that’s where I drew the line because I also could see how and why the girls might behave in this way. He has taught them so much about lying and manipulating to get their way. They went to their rooms and did not come out to discuss any of this. They were angry. What they did was wrong so I will think about what to say to them about being respectful. While I understand how they feel, again because I’m an empathetic person, I must teach them that their actions are still not acceptable or kind. That’s as far as my responsibility in this situation goes. It is why when he originally lifted their punishment, I asked to stay out of the situation when the girls asked me about their plans, because I had a feeling something negative would happen and I wanted no part of it. He punished them. He can deal with how that plays out. And finally, I asked him last night why I needed to be consulted over this? Because when he lifted their punishment, he did so without consulting me. He didn’t get my point. I’m not surprised.
*Edit*. How ironic that this article showed up on my inbox this morning? Explains what I was trying to say, much better than I said it.