Today I was supposed to head to the town where I plan to relocate, to begin the process of searching for employment and honing up some skills to make me more marketable. Plans change. While I am disappointed that my trip will have to wait a few weeks, I’m also feeling a little bit of relief. I have been so nervous about this entire experience.
Last night, I printed a few copies of my resume. I tried pulling out something to wear. No luck. My wardrobe is filled with either too dressy or too casual. I took a break to look up the driving directions. That’s when I realized there was no way I could make this happen today. I have no one to help me with the transportation of my kids from school, and my eldest daughter has a therapy appointment this afternoon. No chance her father will leave work early to help me with any of this. The drive to where I need to be is nearly two hours away, one way. So that’s a four hour round trip total. I was told by the office to allow a minimum of 2-2.5 hours with them to fill out applications, go over my resume, tweaking it, and to sign up for refresher skill classes. Already this is 6-6.5 hours of my day. Doing the math, there is no way I can complete all this in the small window of time I have. As always, what the family needs comes first.
I will now focus on an upcoming day that the kids do not have school. Election Day. And between now and then, I will force myself to get my head in a better place. I will already have met with the divorce attorney by then. I’ll have a slightly better idea as to what the future timeline might be like, making my availability to start work more clear. I will go shopping to purchase a new outfit or two, more appropriate for an interview and office work. I will continue searching for jobs online and filling out applications from my home. I’ll even try tweaking my resume on my own. I’ll look up programs that might help me refresh my typing skills and ask my kids to help me navigate commonly used computer programs. I will clearly mark on the calender that ELECTION DAY is MY DAY. No one will make plans that require my assistance. I will be unavailable for most of the day.
I will meditate. I will repeat positive self-affirmations. I will ignore the smirk I saw on my husband’s face this morning when I told him I could not go today, as planned. I will show him this is not a sign that I am rethinking proceeding with the divorce. I will have my head in a better place. I have to.