I’ve mentioned this term several times throughout my blogs, and will likely do so several more times. For that reason, I felt it beneficial to post this article. I did not write it. It is an accurate description of what gaslighting is, how it is carried out and helps the reader to understand the devastating effects. I have been a victim of gaslighting for far too many years, at the hands of my husband. It IS subtle. It IS evil. And it DOES NOT make me stupid. It makes me a trusting loving human being. I will not change who I am for him anymore. Or for anyone else, for that matter. But I WILL learn and continue to grow stronger. And I WILL share my story so those who know me can see why I’ve not been myself for a long time. And so those who might not know me can learn from my mistakes.
My urgency to take flight? It’s there. But with dependent children in my care, I must be careful and plan accordingly. I’m getting there. I’m looking for work. I’m looking at housing options. I know once my husband fully realizes that me asking for a divorce is real, (right now he thinks he can still fix this and is playing the victim) I am convinced he will turn blatantly ugly and try to ruin me, financially. He already sees that I can not just pick up and leave due to my financial dependence on him and he is using that against me. Also, he knows I put these kids above all else. A few weeks ago when I told him I wanted a divorce in the therapist’s office, he came home and said I blindsided him. That was a joke. And the next day he tried using the kids as a tool. He asked that we wait until after the holidays to tell them we are divorcing. He doesn’t want to ruin the holidays for them. So if I say no, who would be the person to ruin the holidays? Me. And he is trying to play that card. Not working. He has tried asking me on a “date.” He has asked me to spend time with me. He just asked me the other day what I wanted for my birthday, which is coming up fast. I never have answers for him. I do not understand why he waited until now to make any efforts, even if they are weak and pitiful. I think it is to buy time. I’m watching our finances closely to be sure he doesn’t try to hide and move money around. The kids have told me they wish their father and I would just split. They’re tired of the tensions in this house and tired of his games. I’ve told him this but he just doesn’t want to believe me. So I sit here. I sit here and I say barely a thing. I keep quiet. I keep the peace. For my kids. I smile. I cook. I clean. I run errands. I avoid my husband most of the time. I’ve moved completely into my basement. I do not share a bedroom with my husband anymore. I do not wear my wedding rings. And I no longer check up on his phone calls or social media accounts. It was wasting my valuable time and didn’t matter anyways because no matter what I found, he always had a ridiculous excuse. So you see, emotionally, I’ve already flown.
So read this link below and learn about what I’ve lived through. But today? Today I’m claiming survivor status. I’m no longer a victim. I’m flying and very soon, I’ll soar.