So what happened? How did I finally get confirmation of the affair I had suspected? Get confirmation that the I was right all along? How did this all fall into place and how did my husband handle this ugly truth, the truth he refused to admit for months? Well. The husband of this mistress called me. Apparently SHE was a good person. A person with a conscious. A loving woman who just could no longer hide the truth from her husband and two kids. After all, she had morals, ethics and wanted to do the right thing. How sweet of her.
I had discovered numerous texts and calls from her phone on my husband’s cell phone records. He always had an answer, although mostly it was that he did not remember whose number it was or why it was called so frequently. Even when some of the calls were over an hour in duration. And always when I had just left the house. And the kids were not home. When I tracked the number down and had a name, his memory was suddenly jolted. “Oh yes!” That’s (insert morally upstanding woman’s name here). I work with her. We were discussing some work issues.” Really? And you could not remember that the other several dozen times I asked you? Then I found a picture of her on his phone. When I finally confronted him, he said she sent that to all the managers at work. It was a joke. She was volunteering at a food bank (because she is just so awesome!) and the picture snapped of her was of her in a large trash receptacle. (I’ll refrain from telling you how ironic it is that her ass was in a trash can.).
I ended up calling her at work a few days later. She needed to go into her office and close the door so she could speak with me in private. Red flag. I told her my husband and I were having some issues. That he was so distant and I was so desperate to fix my marriage. That I loved him so much. And that I was searching for explanations to why he was so distant. In doing so, I had come across her info, many times, and so I just wanted to come out and ask her if there was anything I needed to know about her relationship with my husband. She told me they were work associates. That all the managers were awesome. They were one big family. They were friends. She explained the phone calls were because she had a class to teach that was coming up and she needed my husband’s advice on how to deliver the material. Then she told me she felt bad for me. She understood my position. She would feel the same way if the tables were turned. She said she and my husband shared family stories. He told her all about his motorcycle. His kids. Even about me and how great I am. That he was a great family man that she respected. Then she assured me there was nothing going on between them. I was thankful that she spoke with me. I heard what she said, and I believed her. But I was upset with my husband because he told me they DID NOT ever discuss anything personal. It was a strictly professional relationship. I asked him why she would tell me that she knew all about my children. About his motorcycle. Even about me. He said he had no idea. That she was lying. So I asked him to call her. To call and ask her why she would say such things to make him look bad, knowing our marriage was already in jeopardy. I wanted to sit there and hear the phone call. He refused. He said he would call her from work the next day. I said no. Do it now, your marriage in on the line. Do this now. He still refused, but this time, he told me how fabulous she was. And that he was not calling her at home, at. 8:30 at night because how would that look? I said to him, “you are choosing to protect her and her family, over your own?” He would not answer me, but his refusal was answer enough.
We talked and decided we needed to tell the kids something. The fighting was getting out of hand. They were bound to pick up on tensions. So we decided to tell them, together, that we were having some adult-issues, so they wouldn’t think it was anything they had done. That if they saw us talking privately, more than usual, not to worry. We called them into the room. HE led the discussion. I was completely stupefied as I sat there and listened to him tell the kids something we had not discussed at all. “Your mother/aunt and I are having some issues we are working through. It has nothing to do with you kids. We love you all very much. Nothing that you kids know will change for you, but your mom/aunt and I are no longer going to be living together as a married couple. We will stay in the house together but not be a married couple.” I will never forget the looks on their faces. That pain is too much some days. They cried. They panicked. They asked questions. I sat there quietly sobbing, trying so hard to be strong and not let the kids see my shock, disbelief and extreme pain and confusion. I failed. My eldest daughter yelled at him. HOW could he be acting like this was a business meeting when mom was obviously so upset?! He was so cold. And like he always did with me, he dismissed all their fears and concerns. The show was all about him, his needs, his wants and his comfort level. I was getting really sick of him.
The next day he drove our eldest daughter to work. On the drive there, she asked him, point blank, if he was having an affair. His reply to her? “Define affair.” What kind of man makes his 16 year old daughter define the term affair?! Well. She did. And he replied to her that he was not and never had cheated on me, emotionally or physically. I got the call from the mistress’s distraught husband less than a week later. I was driving to pick up my kids from school and I answered my cell phone. I was told I should be sitting down. “Your husband and my wife are having an affair.” Those words have played through my head every day since that day. I remember having to pull the car over. My legs were shaking so badly. I could not catch a fulfilling breath. I do not remember much else that was said by this strange man on the phone. I do remember thinking, “Oh my.God. I am not crazy. I AM NOT CRAZY.” I turned the car around and went straight to my husband’s office. I confronted him. He lied. He played dumb. Then he said let’s talk at home. I told him I was giving him a few hours to come home and pack and that I wanted him out. I picked up the kids from school and went home. I planned to go to the grocery store so I would not be home when he was there packing. I went online to our bank to transfer grocery money. I could not get into our accounts. I had been locked out. I had learned that immediately after I left his office, he did two things: 1). He went online and blocked me from accessing our money and 2). He called the mistress to discuss how they would further lie and try to get out of the mess they created and to see if she was ok, because he is noble like that. His self-protect mode was fully engaged. Even if it meant screwing his own children. Fuckers. I hated them both. I ended up calling the police that night because he refused to leave. They came but would not intervene because no one was being threatened. We have guns in the house and they refused to take them. I was scared of him. I didn’t really think he would do anything but the whole banking issue made me see a side of him I never knew was there so I did not want to take any chances. The police left and did nothing. Legally, he had done nothing wrong. And they comforted him. They told him he did not have to leave. I threw all his clothes out of our room that night. He video-taped me doing this and called me crazy. He taunted me the entire time. He picked up everything and calmly carried it all upstairs, putting it all back. He did sleep on the basement couch that night. He was leaving in two days for an eight day business trip. One that she had arranged to go on with him. Secretly. But she confessed to her husband that they were going to be acting like a couple. He had cash he was taking with him to pay for a romantic bed and breakfast. Meals out. Shopping and sightseeing. She told her husband she loved my husband. I was sickened to my core.
Then the mass text messages went out. Every person in my husband’s cell phone contact list was sent a message, written as though it was from my husband. It was a confession of the affair and an admission of guilt. I later discovered it was the mistress who sent these messages. SHE WANTED to be outed. She wanted the world to know she was in love with my husband. He was her way out of her current marriage. And she did not care how many lives she destroyed in getting her wishes. For God ‘s sake. There were friends, family and work associates who received those texts. But she was morally upstanding and had a conscious? And my husband was still defending her.
I found a secret cell phone in his work bag that night. She had one too. It was how they communicated once they learned I was onto the cell phone records. The only contact in his phone was listed as: llama. It was her secret cell phone number. He is so stupid. Although, she does have an unusually long neck, large ears, really big front teeth and disturbing hair. I’m just sayin……
And this is how the affair discovery was initially handled. And the first time I clearly saw how vindictive, cold and selfish my husband truly was.